Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What To Say

This is the blog of Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say." Please bookmark my site as a resource on helpful ways to comfort those facing tough times. Comments and questions are welcome!

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Welcome to Comforting Words! We’ve all faced a situation that’s left us speechless. A friend shares a devastating medical diagnosis, you learn via email of a relative’s death, or an acquaintance with a long-standing marriage tells you she’s getting divorced. What do you say? We’ve all been at a loss for words when we've needed them most. My goal in creating this blog is to provide a forum to share stories, ideas, and resources that will help us communicate effectively when confronted with unexpected news of loss and difficult times. And most important, I’d like to give insight into the best ways to help others so they don’t feel isolated and unsupported when facing difficult times. I feel so passionately about the importance of providing support that I wrote a book on the topic: How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times. It's now available in volumes on Illness & Death, Miscarriage, Suicide and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Newborn or Stillborn Baby, Divorce, Pet Loss and Caregiver Responsiblities at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Why write sympathy notes?

When someone dies, all we have left are our memories. Sympathy notes that express your condolences bring comfort to the bereaved. The most meaningful ones include your thoughts, personal memories, and if possible, a treasured story. Photographs are especially appreciated. But what happens when you need to write a note and you never met the deceased? I had to do this recently and here’s how I handled the death of a dear friend’s dad. I never met the dad, but my friend shared some stories about his family and I used that as the basis for my condolence note, which follows:

Dear Bill,

I was so sorry to hear about the death of your dad. I’m sure your dad had a hand in modeling behaviors that shaped the special person that you are – your wonderful medical skills, compassion, and patience. And your keen sense of humor. You have shared lots of stories about your family and I’m hoping that the good memories will be a comfort to you while you grieve this loss. Know that I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love to you and Katie.

Robbie

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3 Comments:

Blogger Lauren Starkey said...

It's difficult to write about someone you never met, as I'm finding as parents of friends have passed on. What a thoughtful way to express condolences by remarking on the influence a parent must have been--it's a great idea that I will put to use. Thanks, Robbie!

Lauren Starkey

November 20, 2008 at 11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a very thoughtful way to invoke a person's legacy. Thanks, Robbie.
Marian Calabro

November 21, 2008 at 1:17 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Great approach. Always a difficult situation but, as you illustrate, some empathy and compassion always go a long way toward helping a person through a difficult time.

November 21, 2008 at 8:06 PM  

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