Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What To Say

This is the blog of Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say." Please bookmark my site as a resource on helpful ways to comfort those facing tough times. Comments and questions are welcome!

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Welcome to Comforting Words! We’ve all faced a situation that’s left us speechless. A friend shares a devastating medical diagnosis, you learn via email of a relative’s death, or an acquaintance with a long-standing marriage tells you she’s getting divorced. What do you say? We’ve all been at a loss for words when we've needed them most. My goal in creating this blog is to provide a forum to share stories, ideas, and resources that will help us communicate effectively when confronted with unexpected news of loss and difficult times. And most important, I’d like to give insight into the best ways to help others so they don’t feel isolated and unsupported when facing difficult times. I feel so passionately about the importance of providing support that I wrote a book on the topic: How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times. It's now available in volumes on Illness & Death, Miscarriage, Suicide and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Newborn or Stillborn Baby, Divorce, Pet Loss and Caregiver Responsiblities at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Six more distractions that hamper listening

When someone trusts you enough to share their thoughts and feelings, they're asking for just one thing - they'd like you to listen. They're not looking to you for answers and they don't want you to judge. They just want to voice their experience.

It's not easy to be a listener; it takes lots of energy and hard work to actively listen. You'll listen more effectively if you avoid these six additional distractions:

1. Don't finish their sentences. Remind yourself how important it is to have patience when someone is struggling to formulate their thoughts.
2. Don't tell your own stories.
3. Don't share stories about other people's experiences.
4. Don't cut them off; allow them to finish their thoughts.
5. Don't change the subject.
6. Turn your cell phone off. If for some reason you left it on or it's on vibrate, ignore it if it rings and let it go to voicemail.

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posted by Robbie Kaplan | 7:54 AM

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