Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What To Say

This is the blog of Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say." Please bookmark my site as a resource on helpful ways to comfort those facing tough times. Comments and questions are welcome!

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Welcome to Comforting Words! We’ve all faced a situation that’s left us speechless. A friend shares a devastating medical diagnosis, you learn via email of a relative’s death, or an acquaintance with a long-standing marriage tells you she’s getting divorced. What do you say? We’ve all been at a loss for words when we've needed them most. My goal in creating this blog is to provide a forum to share stories, ideas, and resources that will help us communicate effectively when confronted with unexpected news of loss and difficult times. And most important, I’d like to give insight into the best ways to help others so they don’t feel isolated and unsupported when facing difficult times. I feel so passionately about the importance of providing support that I wrote a book on the topic: How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times. It's now available in volumes on Illness & Death, Miscarriage, Suicide and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Newborn or Stillborn Baby, Divorce, Pet Loss and Caregiver Responsiblities at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Preparation is key

When it comes to doing the right thing, even I make mistakes. This week, I accompanied my daughter to a funeral at Arlington National Cemetery. The funeral was a beautiful tribute to her friend’s dad and extremely memorable, in more ways than one.

The two of us did plan; what to wear, where to make a donation, and what time we should leave. Since we live in the Washington, DC metro area and rush hour is terrible, my daughter suggested we leave at 7 AM and take the metro; it seemed like a good idea as there’s a metro stop right at Arlington National Cemetery.

We arrived promptly and right at the entrance. We asked the security guard how to get to the chapel and he was shocked we were on foot. He explained the chapel was a two-mile walk, all uphill. He pointed to a line of cars behind a hearse and suggested we ask someone for a ride.

A couple was happy to offer us a ride. After driving in the processional, we spotted an Army bus by the chapel and my daughter assumed they would shuttle us to the burial site. But that wasn’t the case; the priest directed us to our cars after the service and told us to line up for the drive to the burial site.

Luckily, we located our good Samaritans, and they willingly offered us another ride. The procession wound up and down hills and we quickly realized we wound never have been able to get to either the service or the burial without a car. What had we been thinking?

Lesson learned; carefully check all funeral information and don’t be afraid to ask questions.

Robbie Miller Kaplan is the author of How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say, a guide to help readers communicate effectively when those they care about experience loss. Now available in three individual volumes: "Illness & Death," "Suicide" and "Miscarriage." Three additional titles are available as e-books: "Death of a Child," "Death of a Stillborn and Newborn Baby" and "Pet Loss." Click here to order.