Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What To Say: 11/23/08

About Me

Location: United States

Welcome to Comforting Words! We’ve all faced a situation that’s left us speechless. A friend shares a devastating medical diagnosis, you learn via email of a relative’s death, or an acquaintance with a long-standing marriage tells you she’s getting divorced. What do you say? We’ve all been at a loss for words when we've needed them most. My goal in creating this blog is to provide a forum to share stories, ideas, and resources that will help us communicate effectively when confronted with unexpected news of loss and difficult times. And most important, I’d like to give insight into the best ways to help others so they don’t feel isolated and unsupported when facing difficult times. I feel so passionately about the importance of providing support that I wrote a book on the topic: How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times. It's now available in volumes on Illness & Death, Miscarriage, Suicide and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Newborn or Stillborn Baby, Divorce, Pet Loss and Caregiver Responsiblities at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Gift of Listening

It happens all the time. Something has us stressed, upset, or worried and we search for comfort. But what we really need is someone to listen; someone to give us their full attention as we share our fears and concerns. We’re not looking for advice, we’re looking for understanding. And we each have the power to give this all important gift – our time and attention.

It’s hard to ask for support but we can’t expect our friends and loved ones to be mind readers and intuitively understand our needs. This message was in my mail this morning: “I want to write to my one close friend as I need comfort from that friend. Could you please tell me how to write a letter to him on this topic?” Here's what I suggested:

Dear Tom,

This past month has been really difficult and I’ve been trying to resolve some problems on my own. But I’m not faring well and the issues have me tense and worried. I really could use a good listener and wonder if you would do that for me. We could make a date for dinner or a visit at my home. I’ll make myself available at a time that is convenient for you. You are such a good friend and I need your friendship now.

Thanks for being there for me.

Best,

Joanne

Labels: listening, sample letter