Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What To Say

This is the blog of Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say." Please bookmark my site as a resource on helpful ways to comfort those facing tough times. Comments and questions are welcome!

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Welcome to Comforting Words! We’ve all faced a situation that’s left us speechless. A friend shares a devastating medical diagnosis, you learn via email of a relative’s death, or an acquaintance with a long-standing marriage tells you she’s getting divorced. What do you say? We’ve all been at a loss for words when we've needed them most. My goal in creating this blog is to provide a forum to share stories, ideas, and resources that will help us communicate effectively when confronted with unexpected news of loss and difficult times. And most important, I’d like to give insight into the best ways to help others so they don’t feel isolated and unsupported when facing difficult times. I feel so passionately about the importance of providing support that I wrote a book on the topic: How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times. It's now available in volumes on Illness & Death, Miscarriage, Suicide and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Newborn or Stillborn Baby, Divorce, Pet Loss and Caregiver Responsiblities at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Five ways to help re-establish routines

When you’ve lost a loved one, the world as you knew it has changed forever. You lose your bearings, relationships change, and routines shift. Nothing feels right and the unfamiliarity is an uncomfortable reminder that life won’t ever be the same.

Most of us cherish the regularity of our lives and it’s our daily routines that give structure to our days. One of the most helpful things you can do for someone grieving a loss is to help them re-establish routines.

1. Offer to bring milk and bread every Monday or a rotisserie chicken each Wednesday, creating order to the week.

2. When there are children, offer to drive them to their activities or create a new carpool until the bereaved is ready to resume this task. Include the children in your own family activities so they stay engaged.

3. If the bereaved volunteered once a week or every other week, offer to take their place for the first month or two. Then, suggest you drive them or accompany them as they return to their volunteer activities.

4. Establish new routines that promote well being and engage the mind such as a Tuesday morning walk, a weekly exercise class, or a monthly book group.

5. Suggest you make a weekly or monthly date for coffee, breakfast, lunch, or dinner, always at the same food establishment and at the same time.

It takes patience to help someone who is sad, lost, and struggling. But it’s your helpfulness that can really make a difference, gently moving the bereaved back into their daily lives.

Robbie Miller Kaplan is the author of How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say, a guide to help readers communicate effectively when those they care about experience loss. Now available in three individual volumes: "Illness & Death," "Suicide" and "Miscarriage." Three additional titles are available as e-books: "Death of a Child," "Death of a Stillborn and Newborn Baby" and "Pet Loss." Click here to order.

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