Comforting Words - When You Don't Know What To Say

This is the blog of Robbie Miller Kaplan, author of "How to Say It When You Don't Know What to Say." Please bookmark my site as a resource on helpful ways to comfort those facing tough times. Comments and questions are welcome!

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Welcome to Comforting Words! We’ve all faced a situation that’s left us speechless. A friend shares a devastating medical diagnosis, you learn via email of a relative’s death, or an acquaintance with a long-standing marriage tells you she’s getting divorced. What do you say? We’ve all been at a loss for words when we've needed them most. My goal in creating this blog is to provide a forum to share stories, ideas, and resources that will help us communicate effectively when confronted with unexpected news of loss and difficult times. And most important, I’d like to give insight into the best ways to help others so they don’t feel isolated and unsupported when facing difficult times. I feel so passionately about the importance of providing support that I wrote a book on the topic: How to Say It When You Don’t Know What to Say: The Right Words for Difficult Times. It's now available in volumes on Illness & Death, Miscarriage, Suicide and e-books on Death of a Child, Death of Newborn or Stillborn Baby, Divorce, Pet Loss and Caregiver Responsiblities at http://wordsthatcomfort.com.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Re-directing celebrity grief

I was in the checkout line when the clerk told me Michael Jackson (MJ) had just died at age fifty. I admit I was shocked and when I returned home, found everyone all a-Twitter with the news. The media’s obsession with MJ’s death was expected and we’ll be hearing about it for some time. But the online expressions of grief seemed excessive and practically shut down the Internet.

In the days since MJ’s death, I’ve seen crowds of people expressing grief with notes, flowers, balloons, stuffed animals, and vigils. I, too, can remember feeling sad when a news anchor or actor I enjoyed had died. I read the tributes and sometimes watched the specials, but I quickly moved on. Wasn’t it best to spend my time writing notes, sending flowers, and making visits to folks I knew or who were in my community that were grieving a loss?

I hear often from the bereaved that after the initial few weeks, when loss has truly hits, the calls and visits have tapered off and they feel sad and lonely. Can you imagine the positive impact if those embedded in celebrity grief would channel their efforts to the bereaved in their own communities?

While I recognize what a great loss this is to a community of fans, it does not have the personal connection to those within our own circle of friends and family that have lost loved ones.

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